hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
Randomize
