You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize