how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
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