I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Randomize
