Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
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