I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
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