First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
