I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
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