I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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