Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
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