He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize