You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Randomize
