I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver