i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
23 People Confess The Lamest Things They’ve Ever Done To Fit In
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
These 27 Texts Prove Pets Make Better BFFs Than Humans
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*