update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
Randomize
