Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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