yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
Let's paint friendship bongs
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
the liver wants what the liver wants
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Randomize
