went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
Dicks are not precious.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
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