the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Randomize
