i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
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