I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
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