He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
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