I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
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I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
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I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Randomize