I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
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There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
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