At least make sure they are 18
Why
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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