Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
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