First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
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