I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Randomize
