I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Randomize
