wrigley field is MILF paradise
I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Randomize
