Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Randomize
