This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Randomize
