You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Randomize
