We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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