There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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