it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
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