Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
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I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
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Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
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