If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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