I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Randomize
