In the future we'll all be gay
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Randomize
