dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
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