my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
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