...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
