On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
