Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
