i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing