Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
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