i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
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the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
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He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
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