just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Randomize
