Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
