There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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